The Measure of a Man
Can you keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you?
Or So You've Been Told
Because men have been missing real mentors for a while now.
And in their absence, there is more "talking about men" than "talking by men."
Or at least, that's what you'd think if you listened to those conversations.
Do any of these statements sound familiar?
"He's a typical man - he never asks for help."
"God forbid HE should ever ask directions."
"He can't admit when he's wrong."
"He never tells me how he feels about anything."
They're all overgeneralized nonsense.
For reasons we won't get into right now, this is the accepted way of discussing men. The man is a sexually aggressive, mostly dim-witted provider who lumbers through life stealing or appropriating the power of everyone he encounters through a brute application of his gender privilege.
It's worth noting that most of these discussions do not originate with men. It becomes mildly disturbing when a guy endorses these labels, especially a guy who is ostensibly old enough to know better.
The men I work with don't respond very well to this approach. Men are regularly accused of not being in touch with their feelings, particularly in the car on the way to see their wife's therapist. Any man who's been in that position knows a trap when he sees it.
Are they right? Do you never tell her how you feel about anything?
I don't ask these questions to start arguments or to finish grand theories. This isn't an "anti-feminist" approach or even a "maninist" approach (whatever the hell that is).
There's a simple truth that most men know, that few others seem to take into consideration.
As men grow older, men talk less.
But here's the interesting part.
It's not always your choice.
I work with men. I work with men who aren't sure what to do next, or how to figure out what their actual thoughts are on a subject.
Because when they say "men don't talk about their feelings," they're right.
They're just usually wrong about why. We help answer that. Our work gives you permission to act with the power you have always had.
It's easy to forget what that power is. It's easy to misunderstand.
If you'd like to know more, keep reading.
Michael Wurth, LPC
I work with men.
Are you certain you even need help?
Have you felt that help can't reach you?
Would you know what to say if you got it?
Men are trained to shut down.
We are taught to say little and to show even less.
And somewhere along the way, we've lost the knowledge that makes us men to begin with:
the knowledge that we are strong, we are effective, and we are needed.
You can change this. Starting today.
Men Don't Always Get It.
You've heard that men are stupid and women are crazy.
Do you really believe that?
Can you both do better?
Men Are Often The Outliers
It's not enough to say what a man is or is not.
Men change over time. And in predictable ways.
A man develops as experiences are accumulated, as triumphs and failures come and go.
Too many counselors simply are not trained to reach a well-made man.
Or even a poorly made one. You know it fastest when you go to see a counselor you didn't choose.
Or if you just looked up a name in an insurance directory and hoped you picked a good one.
And if the first time you see a counselor is when your wife takes you in for marriage counseling,
you don't trust counselors for long.
Why should you?
You need someone who understands more than what you say.
Because it's often what you won't say that matters most.
This is especially important if you're facing a divorce.
If your kids aren't listening.
Or if you're tired of being who you are in your marriage.
We can find out what's going on. We can address it. You can relax.
“The inner boy in a messed-up family may keep on being shamed, invaded, disappointed, and paralyzed for years and years. "I am a victim," he says, over and over; and he is. But that very identification with victimhood keeps the soul house open and available for still more invasions. Most American men today do not have enough awakened or living warriors inside to defend their soul houses. And most people, men or women, do not know what genuine outward or inward warriors would look like, or feel like.” - Robert Bly
Fearlessness is not only possible, it is the ultimate joy. When you touch nonfear, you are free.
-- Thich Nhat Hanh
Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster.
And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
For a young person, it is almost a sin, or at least a danger, to be too preoccupied with himself;
but for the ageing person, it is a duty and a necessity to devote serious attention to himself.
Solitude is the profoundest fact of the human condition.
Man is the only being who knows he is alone.
Why one man rather than another? It was odd.
You find yourself involved with a fellow for life, just because
he was the one that you met when you were nineteen.
--Simone de Beauvoir
If you're treated a certain way you become a certain kind of person.
If certain things are described to you as being real,
they're real for you - whether they're real or not.
The Most Intolerant Wins: How Empathy Quietly Sneaks Away And What We Can Do About…Read More
Still not sure?
Maybe you just aren't sleeping.
Maybe you are getting mad a little faster - a little more intensely - and at people who don't deserve it.
Maybe you're getting a little paranoid about things that never used to bother you.
Maybe you find yourself on the brink of committing an infidelity.
Is a random listing in an insurance directory going to fix the problem?
Maybe. But who knows. Because men don't play the lottery after a while. And some of us aren't as selective as we should be. And it comes back to bite us in the ass later.
Skip the small talk.
What if you got a chance to answer three questions before filling out five pages of intake forms?
What if you didn't have to talk to someone until you were certain he was right for you?
What if you could just look around and see if something catches your eye?
Maybe there're some resources you can use. And if you still want to talk, I'm here.
Give it a try. Click on the Charles Atlas Ad to start a three question mini-screening.
You Can Write To Me. It's All Confidential.
Just use the form below.